1. This commitment to health:
The only things I drink are water, coffee, and alcohol.
2. This ~CONFLICT~:
Not in the mood for people, but really not in the mood for sobriety.
3. This awesome acceptance:
“I like you, just the way you are.” —Wine
4. This lunacy:
If you mix a red and a white together I probably won’t even notice, TBH.
5. This true sign of friendship:
If you invite me over, I’ll definitely bring a bottle of wine. So you should probably get something for yourself.
6. This life goal:
My 10-year plan is that I’m going to be able to afford better booze.
7. This state of financial affairs:
The upside of spending all my money on booze is that I don’t have any left to waste on clothes I don’t need.
8. This dilemma:
Calm TF down I’ll be there in a second.
9. This correction:
I may be getting older, but I’m definitely still drinking like a college senior.
10. This one time Google got it so wrong:
The only way to ease into the week is to drink like it’s still the weekend.
11. This moment:
Just wanna hold on to that feeling, you know?
12. This widespread misunderstanding:
Who the hell thinks “glass half full” is a positive?
13. This loophole:
Hey, I’m being responsible here.
14. This rhetorical question:
I celebrate Wine Wednesday at least six times a week.
15. This biological conundrum:
How am I so thirsty all the time? I literally drink my weight in liquid every day.
16. This prayer:
5 p.m.: “I’m going straight home.”
6 p.m.: “I’m just gonna stop by and say hi.”
7 p.m.: “OK but only one drink.”
8 p.m.: “Sure, fine, one more.”
1 a.m.: “….FUUUUUUCK.”
17. This. Fucking. Moment:
Hopefully everybody else is also too hungover to watch my Snapchat story before it disappears…
18. This staredown:
Don’t judge me. You don’t even KNOW me.
19. This v. unwelcome message:
The best way to get over a hangover is to stay in bed and try your damndest to ignore it.
20. This one absolute truth:
Can’t I just give up vegetables instead?
21. And this: